I felt so cold, I felt so helpless, the day the light of my life was gone.
At first I felt angry, then sorrow crept in. Under my breath I cursed the heavens and all the Gods.
From dawn till dusk, I kept thinking about you. One moment you were here and another you are gone.
So, powerful this feeling is, so powerless I am, hoping against hope that this be just another dream.
I struggle with my own thoughts, hoping to free myself from the clutches of this fearful demon.
Had this been just another nightmare, I could easily have shaken myself out of it.
But, as truth strikes hard at my face, I cannot escape the fact that there is a void left inside me that even time cannot fill.
The sweet sounding voice of yours, the warmth of your flesh, I shall never ever witness again.
The promises I made, the lies that I said. I want to confess, I was at fault.
Give me one chance o lord of lords, to fulfill those promises and right those wrongs.
Is it a crude joke that life plays with us all? Are we nothing but Clockwork Oranges running hither and thither?
If such was meant to be, then why were emotions fed inside us all?
Did not the maker know what pain is, what agony was?
Is there even a maker, to whom they pray for mercy? Why have I lost you forever? Why can I not see beyond that towering, over-stretching wall of darkness?
The questions come rushing to me. The answers fail me. I am lost and dumb-founded.
What an irony, what plight I am in. The problem-solver has failed to solve his own problem.
Maybe we are all fools, accepting this world as the ultimate truth. Maybe this is just an illusion. At least accepting it to be one may soothe my mind and my soul.
Why can’t I look beyond the facts, the fiction, the shapes and the figures, that are this world?
They say the world is Maya, but it is today that I realized the fact.
So, I pray today to the great treachery, which is Maya, to lift her veil that impedes my vision and let me see beyond this fog that surrounds me.
The mist of time they say is an illusion. So, can I not go beyond time and space?
If all that I know is an illusion, then what guarantee is there that I myself am not my own figment of imagination.
I feel so cold, maybe because the conviction I had in myself is lost. The fire in my belly, the consciousness of the self, all seems false. All seems false.
Dedicated to dadu, buto, motu and all the loved ones I lost
